Female's Guide To Male's Mind On: The Guy's View Of The Friend Zone

      This post we're going to talk about the friend zone. Women respond to some men a lot better than they do to others. The ones that are fun and exciting are a lot more appealing romantically than the one's who are kind and polite. Some guys are nice, even cute and sometimes they are fun and exciting but for whatever reason there's just no spark. Therefore he is placed in the friend zone. So this post is dedicated to what is a guys perspective when he is placed in the friend zone. The friend zone is a position no man really wants to be in. It's just the situation they live with. They are usually just biding their time until they can figure out a way to get more. Now there are those few exceptions to the rule but even then, they still want a moment in time just to know what they're missing. There are situations where the girl is a good friend or family member's ex and the situation is just not feasible, but you better believe there are fantasies. Some players use the friend zone for casual hook ups and hide behind friend zone status to avoid commitment. Women have so many options when it comes to men, that it's to the point that they can be impatient and unforgiving when dealing with potential suitors. This makes the room for error in a mans approach very small. First impressions are important when it comes to intimate encounters. When a guy ends up in the friend zone, he turned the woman off somewhere in making his first impressions. The other men also vying for their attention, distracts women from being able to give the necessary attention to deviate from their original assessment of the guys they have put in the friend zone. A lot of times men work out certain issues and the women that ignored him for years comes running, especially when women get older and that biological clock starts ticking. In any event I want to put some food for thought when it comes to the friend zone.

      First off lets talk about why a woman has a man in the friend zone in the first place. The main reason is usually just a matter of respect or lack there of. Either the guy has it for the girl and it comes off the wrong way, causing her to loose respect for him in romantic setting. Maybe the guy doesn't have respect for her or at least she doesn't think he does and is afraid of being hurt. Another reason is a personality trait that she considers a flaw and doesn't want in a mate. This usually is a situation where he isn't ambitious, or smart enough, possibly her friends just don't respect him. Then there are the situations that are just the way it is and it isn't anyone's fault, but she doesn't want to deal with it. The girl may even feel guilty about dismissing him for it but it is a turn off non the less, which makes it an issue. No relationship should have to start by working out issues. These problems are things like race, religion, looks or maybe he has a disability. Now all of these things are legitimate reasons for not looking at some one as romantic potential, and at the end of the day you can't force emotion. Either some one does it for you or they don't. I'm just trying to say, that sometimes the question isn't does he do it for you, the question is have you given him a fair opportunity to and if so, maybe it's time he got another one. Just because you started as friend, doesn't mean you have to finish there. The guy in the friend zone is usually the one that will commit.

     Lets start with the main friend zone situation. This scenario are the most common. The guy probably has respect for her. In his mind she's a woman to be love, cherished, and appreciated. His feelings are genuine and would never intentionally hurt her, mistreat her, or taker her for granted. So he doesn't insult her intelligence with head games that she probably gets with most guys. Therefore, he treats her like he would want his sister treated, in the hopes that she notices and eventually gives him a chance at something intimate. The female has already determine that there is no romantic potential, so she interpret his honesty, patience, and sincerity as needy and too eager to impress. In some regard she is right, but there is a difference between being too eager to impress in general and being too eager to impress her. Also all the extra effort suggests desperate and a pushover. With no games there is no mystery, intrigue, or chase, which for a lot of women means no fun. Now add this to an already active female imagination and it gives the wrong impression of unmasculine, uninteresting, and not challenging. She may also even draw the conclusion he doesn't know how to handle women ( pathetic ). No matter how she interprets it, he's just not appealing romantically. The sexual tension needed to make things intimate isn't there and she wishes he would stop trying and go for some one else. Unfortunately for women, when it come to things like love, for men those emotions usually come really quickly and are very strong. So when a man come across a woman that has that kind of potential for him, he will usually go that extra mile and be persistent about it. What I think is funny, is when another woman comes along and the guy in the friend zone gives that girl the attention that the friend use to get, it turns her around to see him in a different light. Then when he dumps the new girl for the friend, she dumps him as soon as she realizes she didn't have feelings for him as much as she was just jealous of the other girl getting the attention she use to get.  
 

     If you find yourself in a bad friend zone situation and want to get into a just friends situation, it is easier said than done. It just boils down to how much you care about his feelings. I say this because the best way with the least amount of effort, is to date some one else and make sure he is exposed to the new relationship. It will hurt but he will eventually go away for a while. When he does return, he will be over you. This works because one of two things will happen. Either he will just go away because he can't stand to see you with another guy or he will still try. In which case, you can put him in his place by saying “if you want to be friends with me, don't make moves on me when I'm involved” and cut him off for a bit if he does. (Make sure he understands talking bad about the other guy counts as making moves). How serious it is with the other guy won't matter, ( make sure you don't tell him how serious it is ) it will put him in a spot. He may try again when you're single again but for the time being, he will behave himself. Another way that is a little more concrete, is to hook him up with another girl. If he is that nerdy guy that will appreciate any decent looking woman that gives him a chance, then you are a friend for life when you make it happen. Just make sure you give him some tips so he can be successful and is able to make her a girlfriend. The closer to you the girl,  the better it is for you. A good friend or family member is prefect. It doesn't have to last long or even go that far. Whether it lasts or not puts him in a jerk position if he tries to make moves on you again. Even gives you the perfect excuse of “that would be tacky for you to go out with him after he dated a friend". If you have a friend in the same situation, maybe you guys can do each other that favor. Two dates is all you need. You have the “that's the way you treat women” line to ensure you both make those two dates happen. The last tip is simple. There is an old saying, “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”. So just give in but be a bitch and don't give affection. Let him come to the conclusion that being with you isn't what it's cracked up to be. Being your boyfriend is different than being your friend. If you put him through hell he will break up with you. Afterwards you can just apologize and say “hey I know I'm a pain to deal with and not worth the effort but I would like to be friends again.” Then you're free.

 

      Now any position a woman takes when it comes to personal relationships with men in her life, is her own prerogative. This post is just trying to put the man's view of the situation and to make women look at things from another perspective. Now if a woman has a guys in the friend zone she should always reevaluate each friend situation every time she is newly single. She could be missing out on some one hidden treasure just because she came to a conclusion too fast. Woman are in a very unique position when it comes to romance. It is the males job to make the approach, the moves, and the mood, with little room for error. If he does fail and most men do only because they're dealing with a stranger, he is in a uphill battle to change her mind. Not only do women sit comfortably in their position, they use it as a defense on why they are single, with statements like “the good ones never approach me”, or “I only get approach by jerks”. What I think is really messed about those statements is, that they like to say it to the guy in the friend zone. If Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt walked through the door, the whole men are are suppose to make the first move will walk out that same door behind them as soon as they arrive. It's been my experience that a man usually isn't in the friend zone unless he has some romantic potential, he just went wrong some where making an impression. The guy in the friend zone isn't going to wait forever. If and when he does find someone else he is gone for good and rightfully so. As the saying goes, you snooze you loose. There are way too many great 35 year old single women wondering where have all the decent single men gone. The truth is, she kept them as friends and they went and got married.